Halt This Love
by Sailor Panda
Summary: There's no denying that life is a series of cycles, some good and some bad. But the real question is whether there are some cycles that should be broken and, if so, whether they can.


Rin had a father.

All children had fathers, all the children in the village had fathers, so Rin knew she must have had one too even though she had no memory of him and could put no face to the idea. He was long gone by the time she could remember anything but she thought she recalled someone saying that he had left out of love – or was that self-love? She couldn't remember.

She'd been a child and snippets of conversation she had heard then were hazy and hadn't always made much sense to her. All she could vaguely garner from those wispy recalls was that she'd once had a father and that he had left out of some kind of love.

Rin had a mother.

All children had mothers, all the children in the village had mothers, and Rin had one of those too. If she concentrated, she could remember the woman who she had called Mother just a little better than the father who was never there. But she remembered that Mother had loved her, cared for her, for hadn't she been told that constantly over and over again between stinging slaps and angry words?

_Mind what I tell you to do better, Rin!_ that angry voice would always say with a flesh bruising slap when she made a mistake. _You have to be good and do exactly what Mother, who loves and cares for you, says – or else I'll go away and leave you all alone._

And Rin, always afraid of just that, always tried to be good and do exactly as Mother said because she didn't want to be left alone without her mother's love. She tried very, very hard to not make Mother angry but almost everything she did seemed to be wrong and made her mad. That's why Rin liked it when the men came, even when she was told to stay away from home until men had left, because they gave her gifts of coin or small pouches of something Mother called _incense_. Rin liked best when the men brought the last because it made Mother less likely to be angry, even if it did make their tiny house smell funny. But Rin didn't mind too much because it made Mother happy and if Mother was happy, then she wouldn't want to go away leave Rin behind.

But Rin's mother who loved and cared for her left anyway.

And left Rin all alone.

Rin could still remember how she had tried to wake Mother up one morning, like she usually did. Only, that morning, Mother wouldn't wake as her skeletal figure lay still while the scent of her incense still hung heavy in the air, burnt out ashes scattered on the floor. And when men came to take Mother's still body away, talking and laughing in a bad way Rin didn't quite understand but still thought wasn't right around someone who was so _still_, they told her that Mother was gone and never coming back. And Rin had cried, wondering what she had done to make Mother made enough to finally leave and wondering who would love and care for her now.

Still, Rin had the village.

It wasn't quite the same as having Mother, but the village cared about her. Didn't the people of the village yell it at her so when she got so hungry that she just had to take something? _How dare you after we let you stay in our care? _they would scream, sometimes with slaps or fists that seemed so like Mother's that Rin was reassured and perfectly content to remain amidst all that caring.

But then the village that cared for her left her too. It wasn't her fault, she knew. It was the wolves that had come and attacked and _killed_ everyone that had cared for her and then chased her and killed _her_ as well.

Rin didn't mind.

By that time, she had a beautiful angel.

Her angel was named Sesshoumaru.

Her angel never said anything about love or caring, but he had saved her so she thought he must love and care for her at least a little. After all, he let her travel with him and whenever he left on his own, he had the funny Jaken stay with her so she always knew he'd come back. And though Rin the child had no father or mother or village, she was the happiest she could ever remember being.

Years passed and, along with it, so did fighting battles and blood and magic enemies and eventually the death of one Naraku. Rin was glad of that because though she had always been certain that her Sesshoumaru would win, she got tired of always being used to make him fight.

But Rin grew up, child no more, and truly learned the difference between youkai and human. She learned that even if Naraku with dead, neither side approved of her relations with her Sesshoumaru and the threats to her life would probably never end.

And her angel Sesshoumaru left.

He never said exactly why, just left her near a human village with provisions that would leave her well cared for even after he was gone. But somehow she knew without the words being said that he loved and cared for her, perhaps not the way she did for him, and that's why he left. He never told her where he was going and she had no idea where to start looking for him even if she could find someone to help. However, Rin didn't even try finding her angel Sesshoumaru, who she loved and she thought might love her at least a little, because there was one thing that she couldn't seem to change, a cycle that she couldn't seem to break.

Once again, Rin was left alone.

Just once, Rin wanted someone who loved her and would not leave.

oOoOoOo

It started again beneath a half-moon lit sky.

By then, how much time had passed since she first walked into the village to begin a new life, no matter how reluctant, she really couldn't say. But she could still remember clearly looking up from where she was drawing water from the stream in a familiar routine only to see a familiar face framed in long, flowing pale hair staring at her with golden eyes from the opposite bank.

Her angel had come back for her.

How her heart had leapt at the thought. How it had crashed to the ground and shattered in the next instant when she realized how wrong she was.

At least she hadn't been the only one left suffering.

"Kagome," that familiar face from her childhood whispered with face pale as if he'd seen a ghost and an aching pain in his voice that corresponded so well to her own.

She wasn't sure how she felt when she gently corrected him, "No. I'm Rin."

She couldn't read exactly what expressions flitted across his features at her pronouncement, only knew that they were strong and hurting, before his features closed down and kept everything out. She wasn't sure how long they stared at each other with wary regard, wasn't sure he even recognized her grown up and not a child, but he was the first to break the uneasy silence with a tact she could remember him displaying frequently during those last moments of their respective groups working together towards Naraku's end. In short, he was brusque and very rude.

"Sesshoumaru's Rin?"

It was her turn to close down as she held herself tightly. "Not anymore."

Another flicker of unnamed emotion, then he nodded. "Sorry," he said shortly and then he was gone. It was as if he had never been there and she was just as alone as she ever.

Rin could never figure out if he was apologizing for her no longer being Sesshoumaru's – or for his calling her Kagome.

oOoOoOo

He was watching her again.

Rin was almost getting used to it.

How many weeks had gone by since that first time? How many times had she had the prickling sensation of being watched when she collected water from the stream as she did routinely thrice a day? How did those hidden eyes watching from the shadows go from being uncomfortable to being almost a comfort? Why did she like night best of all – the only time when he would show himself to her eyes and actually talk to her?

Rin didn't know the answer to any of those.

But Rin _did_ know from their conversations that he wasn't far away, that the village he was closest to calling home was the nearest next to hers and the Bone Eater's well, that he left his village when he felt too restless and confined, that he felt that way all too often lately, that no matter where he went there was still really no place he could go or escape from his restlessness – and the obvious unhappiness he never quite came right out and said.

She knew he was still missing his Kagome.

But then, she was still missing her angel Sesshoumaru.

In her mind, Rin dubbed him her half-angel. Half youkai, half human. And he was Sesshoumaru's half-brother, after all, so she supposed that made him half-Sesshoumaru. She knew better than to ever say such to him though, but the idea brought her comfort even as also brought its share of bittersweet pain.

Rin wondered what her half-angel thought about her and his Kagome.

She remembered a pretty lady who had been kind to the child that was her past – the sweet smiles, warm caring eyes, and the courage to stand up to the evil that was Naraku with bow and arrows and a strong yet gentle heart. She didn't know much about her after that, only what she'd been told, that Kagome had to leave for her home after Naraku was defeated and the Shikon no Tama made complete.

Her half-angel got that closed off look on his face whenever she asked for more details about that, so she stopped asking. It was enough that he was around, that he kept coming back, that he sometimes let go of that hard shell of his to really smile at her, that he was the only one in her life now who came closest to knowing all about the truth of her past and didn't think any worse about her for it. But still…

"Inuyasha," she suddenly said. "Do I still remind you so much of her?"

His golden gaze turned wary. "Who?"

She glared. "You know."

The wariness never left. "Sometimes."

"What times?"

"Does it matter?"

"Maybe it does."

"Why?"

That closed off expression was starting to creep over his face again, shutting her out. She didn't like it and, though she hated herself for it, she was the first to capitulate.

"Never mind."

He gave a brusque nod and didn't say anything else. Shortly after, he left and she worried that he wouldn't come back.

oOoOoOo

He was watching her again.

Inuyasha couldn't help it.

He still remembered the first time he saw her, the shock of it at the thought that his beloved Kagome had come back to him even though he knew it was impossible, for hadn't he desperately tried and tried again to get through the sealed well without any success? And the disappointment at discovering the truth, that she wasn't Kagome, had been almost as crushing as the day he had finally admitted to himself that he would probably never ever see Kagome again and so he had left intending to never come back.

But he just couldn't stay away.

For a while, he had toyed with the idea of reincarnation. Hadn't Kikyo's soul been reincarnated into Kagome born hundreds of years in the future? Couldn't that shared soul of Kikyo's and Kagome's been reincarnated as Rin born after the time of one and before the time of the other? In the end, did any of it really matter?

He was never much of one for heavy thinking, preferring action to contemplation. All he was sure of was the strong feeling that kept him coming back, the sense of a kindred spirit within her that drew him to return almost against his will.

Her unhappiness struck a familiar chord within him. Her strength and continuing will to live on even through her obvious sadness over Sesshoumaru's even more obvious abandonment garnered his admiration. And despite the shades of misfortune that she wore draped around her like a transparent cloak, her very aliveness and warmth that was so reminiscent of another's called out to him and kept drawing him back. He felt easy and relaxed and almost happy in her presence in a way he hadn't felt with anyone for what seemed to be a very, very long time.

However, he didn't like her pressing him about things he had no desire to think about too deeply.

_Especially_ anything to do with Kagome.

But, still…he just couldn't stay away.

Maybe it was selfish of him, maybe it was for all the wrong reasons. Even so, he knew that he didn't want the woman he now knew as Rin to shut him out from her life. The very idea of it made him go cold and it was with that particular fear riding him that he appeared before her water gathering routine one night, startling her in the process, and did one of the hardest things he'd always found to do.

"I'm sorry," he apologized with fear balling in his gut.

And he was relieved when she smiled.

Here was his second chance.

oOoOoOo

He was watching her again.

The watcher watched him watching _her_ and it was as if the past had come back again like a recurring nightmare unfolding over the past weeks – his frozen heart and expression melting, her smiles warming and inviting, their shy touches turning into loving kisses and embraces. But that past had been successfully dealt with once before, sealed away and never to be reached again with a skill that any dark practitioner would envy.

Envy was such a terrible thing.

And here it was again, rearing up its ugly head under such very same circumstances, a vicious and miserable cycle that never seemed break. But that was something that could not be tolerated, not again. Ever.

It was time to deal with it once again, time for the fool to turn _them_ into the fools.

oOoOoOo

He was watching her again.

The idea of it made her smile now, brought a blush to her cheeks in a tide of rosy pink, and had her eagerly quickening her footsteps in anticipation of getting to _their_ place hidden from the prying eyes of her village. She knew through previous experience with her former angel what castigation would be cast her way if such a relationship were to be known and, though she thought she could weather it if he were willing, she opted to proceed cautiously for she was not ready to test her half-angel in such a way just yet.

And there he was.

With affectionate enthusiasm, she threw herself into his arms where he stood in the tiny wooded clearing and nuzzled into the long strands of his pale moonlight hair, savoring the unique scent of him that she'd grown accustomed to these several seasons past. He loved her, cared for her – he'd finally said so just that last time – and Rin couldn't have been any happier.

She finally found someone who loved her and wouldn't leave.

She drew back, looking up into golden eyes framed by pale hair and no longer thought of angels but only him and was gratified to see the softness in his eyes as he gazed down at her. So intently was she watching him, she caught the flicker of his eyes and the puzzled alarm in his features as something behind her caught his attention.

Rin whirled and had just enough time to see another familiar figure dressed in miko's garb, heard Inuyasha's surprised gasp of "Kikyo!" saw the other's angry vengeful eyes as she placed a hand on a paper charm with indecipherable inked scribbling stuck on the trunk of a tree while her lips moved with words that couldn't be heard over the sudden roaring in her ears as magic sparked in the air and tingled over her skin in an unpleasant rush of fiery heat.

Her last desperate thought as her vision blurred was _I'm going to be left again._

oOoOoOo

She was watching him again.

Carefully, she observed him just as she had been these past few days, watched him come and go and greet her just as he always had before _that other woman_ had interfered. Just thinking about it made her angry all over again, wondering how long it had been going on before she'd become suspicious enough of his growing aloofness and discontent with her to carefully follow him during one of his restless outings and discovered the secret he'd been hiding from her.

Well, she'd dealt with them, taken and shattered their memories of each other just as the sight of them together had shattered her. And she saw that he had no idea what she had done, what he had been doing before she had acted, and she was satisfied that things were finally going according to her plan just as they always should have been. After all, she hadn't died and then been reborn to survive the harshness of the new unlife she had been given to allow her heart's desire be taken away by yet _another_ living breathing person who had her face.

Such an insult was not something she could tolerate. And now she didn't have to. Triumph was intoxicating, and Kikyo smiled at the headiness of it.

She had won.

_She had won._

And this time, she would do everything in her power to_ never_ let him fall in love with another woman who wasn't her again. Whatever she had to do, she would do no matter how long or how many times it took.

oOoOoOo

It started again beneath a half-moon lit sky.

By then, how much time had passed since she first walked into the village to begin a new life, no matter how reluctant, she really couldn't say. But she could still remember clearly looking up from where she was drawing water from the stream in a familiar routine only to see a familiar face framed in long, flowing pale hair staring at her with golden eyes from the opposite bank.

Her angel had come back for her...

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This is the second edited and hopefully improved version of the original written back in August. This particular writing assignment was assigned by the livejournal community Inuyasha Flashfic and follows the guidelines set by the requester fieryfaerie86 and required the fic to be 1,000 words minimum and have:

pairings: Inuyasha/older Rin, Kagome/Sesshoumaru, or Kagome-Her Dad (obviously platonic)

genre: preferably angst, and keep fluff to a minimum

rating: G to R

I hope people weren't too squicked by the pairings - I just wanted to try something different instead of doing the same thing over again. And I hope those that liked the original first version don't mind the changes I made, especially to the ending, too much. For those that are curious about the first version, if you want to read it (and I'd appreciate feedback letting me know which version you like better if you do), it can be found at the Inuyasha FlashFic livejournal community. Just remove the spaces within the URL to go to:

www. livejournal .com/ community/ iyflashfic/ 5000.html#cutid1


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